Death, my paradise.

                

It's still hazy, like a dream long forgotten. It comes and goes with glimpses of my memory. I feel my legs go numb. The fire is slowly eating my skin.The ceiling lies over my hands. I remember the noise. I remember the chaos. I remember her. Dead. I wait patiently for death to strike. My heart almost shrinks with the thought of my parents weeping my loss. My thoughts wander here and there. Yet there is a tint of hope I feel surging through my veins. I'm scared. Of course I'm scared. But I've stopped shrieking.Don't have the energy to do so anymore. Terrorism. Who would have thought this is how it would end for me, for her. Death lingers. But why is it that I for one am glad to be dying?

I opened my eyes to see her running wild and free. Her face was content. She saw me and called out my name. I tried to get up but tumbled. I heard her laughter, like a beautiful sunrise, igniting my heart with the hope for better days. It ignited my weary soul and made me believe I could love again. More freely this time.

This must be it. The paradise I longed. I kissed her lips. Something I longed for all my life. Were we dead? Yes. For I remember hearing the blast right outside our room. Our secret room. The Taj hotel had come to our rescue. Hiding us from plain sight. We met there every 26th of November to celebrate the first time we saw each other. Of course no body knew. Nobody understood. That year was no different. Our love four years old, still a toddler, was as fierce and wild as it had been on the first night. With time we had just grown fonder of each other. We had just began our rituals of undressing each other when we heard the blast. It was probably on the floor above us. Within seconds I felt the heat of the fire reach my body. The sun seemed distant, hazy like a day's dream. I saw the fire. I saw her. Her name you ask? How silly of me. Tammana. Much like my longing to have her. I saw her bare skin catch the fire. I heard her sweet melodious voice turn into the cacophonous shriek. I saw her eyes. Her eyes which held my world once, now turned black with terror. Her body. Her bare body which was my heaven, was now buried deep in the debris from the blast. I  saw the light in her eyes go out. Its funny how she smiled in her death. It was the same smile she had when she confessed her love for me. A smile of the freedom she had finally attained. I knew she found her freedom. My body was burning. I waited and waited in the hope to see her again. Somewhere distant, perhaps from the room below us, I heard Tammana's favorite song play. I hummed along to pass the time. "In the night the stormy night, away she flied. And dreamed of Para Para Paradise."

Paradise. This must be it. Paradise. I held her. People saw but did not have the eyes of disgust. Together we conquered death. Our secret room led us straight to the stairway of heaven. Here we were knocking on heavens door.

My name is Taara. Inspired by the morning star under which's light I took my first breath in this world. Taara, like a distant dream that I was living. Yes  my name is/was Taara. I think I might take up a new name here. Oh and yes I am a girl. What did you think? A guy in love with a girl? Their love a secret? A taboo? Sounds unfamiliar doesn't it? Yes we were homosexuals in love with each other. Yes it was illegal. Loving  another human being was illegal. In a world where marital rape was legal, patriarchal norms were embraced, terrorism prevailed, loving another human being was illegal. People died everyday of hunger but my love interest conjured more disgust.  Ha. Its a funny world we left behind. For better and for good.

I see from up here people weeping our loss. Terrorism making its mark. It was a dreadful day. A day to be mourned. Candle are lit. People unite in their fight towards terrorism. Its nothing like I've seen before. The destruction is massive. I see my parents, crying over my decayed body. I am not to lie, I do not feel anything but happiness. The parents I left behind knew nothing of me. They loved me unconditionally. But they loved me for who they thought I was. Here we found our paradise. We found our wonderland. A place where we can be who we are. A place where we do not have to hide. A place where our love isn't considered a sin. I found love. Love with freedom. Love without taboos. Love in its purest form. Love. I found my silver lining. It funny how it took death for us to find our home. A place where we truly belong. I can see her right now in front of me, playing with the clouds, humming her favorite song. She still has that smile. Freedom. Ironical isn't it? How grateful am I for being dead.

"In the night the stormy night, she closed her eyes. And dreamed of PARA PARA PARADISE"